the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
