Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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