I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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