I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
