3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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