and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
