So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
