And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
