It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
