..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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