Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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