D3 body, D1 cock
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
