I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
