I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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