sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
