I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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