not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
