i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
