its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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