I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
