idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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