I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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