I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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