you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
