Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
