i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Randomize
