i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
