So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He did a backflip because drugs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
