I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was born a porn star she said
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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