i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
