I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
