Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
