Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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