grandma shit on top of the toilet
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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