Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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