I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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