I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
