Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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