I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
