After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think people are normalizing furries
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