If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
