I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
