Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
