Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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