The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
