I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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