3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
