I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
