So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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