i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
